Life is Really A Game!
by Madam Narcissa Malfoy
Summary: Somehow the world changed to a board game and the characters are playing LIFE! This contains pairings and lemons, so careful!
1. Cram for Exams! Collect 1 TILE

Hi, you guys remember me? Maybe not, but I recently had such a brilliant idea, I had to make it a real fanfic. You guys will see several of these, so look out. NO STEALING MY IDEA!!!!

Ok, you guys from America have got to know what the game of **Life** is, right? Well, imagine the Harry Potter characters in this situation! Have fun and look out for other versions of my story that take place in different games! Ok, have fun, and I disown both Harry potter and the game of life here.

This is not exactly how you play, but I like adding my own little things in there.Oh, yeah, there might be lemons in here so please dont read if you dont like that stuff.

"Bloody hell! Where are we?" Draco glared at his schoolmates, and they in turn glared back at him. His father stood behind him, tall and arrogant as ever

"Harry, what are we doing here?" asked Ron, unsure of himself.

Harry looked around queasily. Everything was in bright color, almost fake, and there were three condos surrounding them. There was a big building that looked like a Muggle college. The sky was perfectly blue, and the entire place looked so fake that he felt nausea.

"Alright, lets try to Apparate then." Ron said quickly. Harry went to stop him, but Lucius got to his friend first.

"You stupid blood traitor! You are in a strange place and the first thing you think of is your trusty magic? Have you no intelligence?" Lucius glared menacingly at Ron.

Ron looked down, suddenly ashamed. Harry did agree with Lucius, and shuddered at the thought of agreeing with the man he put in jail.

"Ok, lets split up. We can all look around, but don't go farther than the college." Harry directed, and started walking away. He needed some time to himself.

"Wait, Potter," Draco said; walking toward him, "Shouldn't we look for the girls?"

Harry turned around and stared at Draco. "What girls?"

Draco rolled his eyes. "You know, the Mudblood," at this Lucius smacked him, as well as Ron, "Ouch! The blood traitor," which earned a wide smack from Ron, "Touch me again and you'll die, Weasley. The slut and then Ms. Popular. Oh, and crazy bitch."

Surprisingly, Harry knew exactly which four girls Draco Malfoy was speaking of.

"Yes! We have to find them!" Harry grew red and said, "But don't talk about women like that, you ferret."

The Malfoys glared at Harry, and for a second, Harry thought there was something they were hiding. 'Of course there is, how stupid can I be! They are the Malfoys!'

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"Oh my GOD!!!" whined Lavender, falling to the ground. "I can't walk any further, go on without me!"

Hermione rolled her eyes, "Ok, we will then. Just in case you change your mind for the _third_ time, we will be hard to find." She started walking forward, following the brightly colored path that was surrounded by ten foot tall bushes.

Ginny and Cho continued to walk quietly behind her. Lavender breathed hard, looked up at the girls faces and saw they were not as unnerved as they were the first time. "Fine, I will _try_ to keep up with your insanely fast speed. I think this world has given you girls powers."

Ginny snorted. "Yeah, the ability to remain sane with your constant whimpering. Shut up and just follow us Lav, Gods you sound pathetic when you complain."

Luna skipped ahead of Hermione, happy in the serene, quiet place.

"Where do you think the boys are?" asked Cho.

"Hmm, where do you think we are trying to go? Wonderland?" Ginny looked around. "Wait, no, I take that back. We are in freaking wonderland." Cho glared at her.

"You girls make this place sound so bad!" Luna practically sang.

"Luna, are you high? This place is freaky!" Ginny looked at the bushes and tried pulling off a limb, but the harder she tugged, the more it held back. "See? How are we even supposed to feed ourselves?"

"Well, Ginny, I didn't know you ate bushes." Luna said, grinning at her.

"You know what I mean, Loony!"

"I love that name. It sounds awful to others, but I love it."

"You are so freaking weird!"

"Maybe you are the weird one? Did you ever consider that?"

"Girls!" Hermione said, stopping them. Hermione eyed them all, carefully.

"You all appear normal, but we know this world is not ours."

"Yeah, so?"

"Well, Lavender, what if it is a game?"

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"Harry, why are we following this line?" asked Ron, dead bored.

"Shut up Ron, and just do it! Don't you want to find Hermione and Ginny and them?"

"Why are we following you? We don't give a squid about the girls!"

"Draco, Malfoys do the honorable thing, and that would be to look for the young ladies that presently require our assistance."

"Malfoy, you make it sound like they aren't self-sufficient." Harry retorted.

"Maybe I do not think this set of women is sufficient." Lucius said coolly.

"Well, you would be utterly wrong if you did think that." Ron surprised everybody.

"Oh, are you counting little Ms. Know it all? Because she doesn't count as a woman, I think she's really a ma-!" Draco said before getting attacked with both Ron's fist and his father's.

"Ouch, ok! Father?" Draco addressed Lucius.

"You do not offend those with more intelligence than your own." His father looked ahead smoothly.

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"Ok, well, we have made progress." In the far distance, Hermione could see a college and what looked to be three houses. Much closer to them than they had started out, Hermione smiled, glad they were going somewhere.

"Ok, now I seriously need to take a break." Lavender said, sitting down.

"Yeah, I agree, I'm pooped too." Ginny sat down, and Luna sat down with her. Cho and Hermione also sat down.

"OH MY GOD!!!" Lavender started shaking.

"Lavender, what are you doing?" But before she could pay attention to her answer, Hermione began shaking as well.

"Are you guys…" Ginny began shaking.

"What the hell?" Cho looked at Luna, who was shaking too, but she, along with Hermione, looked like she enjoyed it.

Cho began shaking as well, and she felt like she was cramming for exams. Suddenly, she felt richer and had fifty thousand galleons on her mind.

"WOW!" They all said.

breaker

Ok, I will be back with more soon, but I have other stories to work on. Since its Thanksgiving you should expect a lot more stories, so just you wait, you luckies!


	2. College Grad! Collect 2 TILES

* * *

Thank you Michelle Moonshine and Chickengurl, I love reviews and if it doesnt sound like it here it is because I am about to burp and my foots asleep. The day after Thanksgiving is never a good day for me. Except that now it is not the day after thanksgiving, because my account froze and I couldn't log in last night. Sorry folks, but think of me! I lost half my story! It froze while I was saving a document!

* * *

"WOW!!!" They all said and stood back up. 

"I feel like I just went through college!" Cho breathed hard.

"How do you know what college is?" Hermione asked Cho.

"Well, Hermione, I'm not exactly pureblood, am I?"

Hermione blushed. "Sorry."

"I hate it when people make me look less smart than I am."

"So do I." said Hermione.

"Well, I hate to be a downer on everybody's parade, but look." Ginny said to the group, pointing at a large stage and a group of boys that seemed to materialize out of no where.

* * *

"Did I just graduate college?" Harry asked, shaking his head, confused.

"Not now Harry, we've got a bigger issue." Harry looked to the source of the voice and saw Hermione, along with the other girls they lost.

"Look." Hermione pointed at a stage that seemed to appear out of nowhere right in front of them.

A woman walked onto the stage in a buisness suit. Suddenly all of them were wearing long gowns, as if they _had_ just graduated college. Harry heard Malfoy protesting in the backround and his father shushing him.

"Gather around the stage please." The woman said sternly.

When they all walked up closer, they saw it was Professor McGonagal in the buisness suit, except much younger.

"Welcome to the game of Life." She said, pleasanttly, welcoming them heartily.

"Game? What the Hell do you mean?" Draco protested again, angry.

Everyone was listening carefully, trying to catch every word she said as if it were a puzzle.

"This is a game. When you are done playing, you will return to the age you were when you started the game; that is, if you don't die first."

They all gasped. 'You can die?' thought Harry, suddenly not interested in the game any longer.

"That's not a very good chance though. No one else has died before." They all relaxed and she continued talking.

"Though you will return to the real world as if no time had been lost but a half hour, you will have a lifetime of memories. And you cannot take these memories out of your head."

"What do we do here?" Hermione asked.

"You will have a normal life, get a profession, and a muggle one at that, get married-"

"To whom? These sluts?" Draco snorted, "Yeah, that'll happen!"

Draco kept his mouth shut for quite a while after getting scolded by a certain older man.

"Get a house, have children," all the girls blushed, "and retire."

"Do you understand?" The woman asked, looking as if she were in no mood to repeat any word she just said.

"You said muggle professions, why exactly?" Ginny asked, confused.

"To be this kind of a game, a wizard obviously had to make it, theres no way this is a muggle game!"

"This is a muggle game that has been bewitched by Fred and George Weasley." The woman stated simply.

"Careers will now be chosen along with salaries. Then you will meet your husband or wife behind the bushes, decide on a house, and begin the game."

"Lavender Brown!"

A bag appeared in front of Lavender and she squeaked, surprised.

"Stick your hand in, woman!" Lavender followed the woman's order and read "Travel Agent, Salary, 80,000 dollars."

The bag went to Cho and she got Doctor and 100,000 dollars.

"What do you mean, dollar?" Cho and Lavender asked, unsure what this money was.

"It is American money."

"Okay...?"

The game continued and Hermione got Sales Associate. Luna recieved Teacher and Draco got Policeman, a job they understood.

Lucius pulled a paper out of his bag. "Fashion Designer?" he said helplessly. "Isn't that a woman's job?"

They all cracked up at the thought of Lucius Malfoy making a dress that is worth millions.

Harry pulled his own paper, and it said, "Artist, 90,000."

He looked at Ron, who shrugged his shoulders, not particularly happy with being the name at the end of the alphabet.

Ginny chose her paper and Harry smiled broadly at her when she produced the paper saying, "Policewoman."

Ginny grinned back at Harry, hoping that she gets him to marry. She wondered how that part was decided.

Ron pulled out the paper that said computer programmer and the job search was over.

"Now you will decide your lover!" A new woman giggled on stage, confusing everyone all over again. This woman was wearing a light see-through slip in the middle of the day, jumping up and down on stage.

"Your hearts will lead you!" She tortured them, giggling.

"What the Hell do you mean?" Harry asked, not wanting to get randomly stuck with Draco or anything.

"The roomate of yours is going to be your lover!" She sang slightly, as much of an airhead as Luna.

* * *

hahahahah! you dont know the pairs I am putting together! lallala! 

a/n: this story may end up feeling more like days of our lives than Life, but I'll keep the game in there! lol.


	3. Get Married! Collect 3 TILES

Ok, this is where I break it to my fans (all 860 of you) (sarcasm, i know that going on the different chapters is another look at it.) that this fic probably won't turn into an hhr fic. I'm sorry. but I do not agree with harry hermione fans. I am sorry. None of us are perfect (hem-hem, who doesnt get the clues jkr gives us?) and don't worry, Ron isn't getting Hermione either. By now I hope all of you have noticed that there is one extra chick in this story,(and she's not unisexual)so don't forget about her. Have fun, and I hope this chapter compensates for you're disappointments, and I love you all for reviewing, you all get gold stars and I will pm you constantly with clues before I update. Betcha wanna review now, huh? See ya in about 1000 words! This chapter contains material not suited for younger viewers.

* * *

Suddenly they were no longer in long graduation gowns; instead, the girls were in beautiful wedding gowns and the men were in elaborate suits.

"Let me explain the rules with a round of questions at the end!" The woman giggled, still skipping around.

"How much money do you wanna bet that slut isn't a virgin?" Draco whispered in Harry's ear.

"Shut up Malfoy."

"You all better listen good! Ok, listening?" she looked around at everyone, making sure they were giving her their full attention.

"You will get married to one person from the group you are with. One female chooses, one male chooses, one female chooses. So on. Then, you get sent to your honeymoon for a week."

They all sighed. 'At least they can't tell if you had sex or not' Harry thought, comfortable again.

"If you make love the first day, then you stay a week. After that, you stay until you make love, and a week after that. Time won't move until all the players have had intercourse and bonded their marriage."

"Wait, you mean if one group doesn't have sex, then we all are stuck with the person we managed to nail the first week?" Draco protested. Ginny rolled her eyes at his arrogant remark.

"Yes sir!" The woman giggled again.

"I'm sure you won't nail her as fast as you think you will, Malfoy." Lavender cooed. Harry looked at her. He caught Hermione looking at her too, and Hermione whispered, "She knows something."

"Hah, it'll be easy to nail any one of these bitches." Draco claimed loudly, getting smacked upside the head by his father.

"How can you tell?" Harry asked.

"Oh, we know everything you do, don't worry." Harry felt queasy. And he had to live with these memories? 'I hope I get Ginny.'

"So you are making us lose our virginity?" Luna asked, seemingly not ok with this part of the game.

"Yes, but you're all over twenty-one." The woman said as if no one over 21 was a virgin.

Luna looked over at Ron and waved at him airily, as if she had dibs. His face reddened extrodinarlily. He looked nauseas, and paled slightly at any thought of being in bed with a crazy person.

'Hermione, Hermione, Hermione,' Ron thought anxiously.

"Well, lets get started, if you have any questions, there is a phone in every paradise, so use that. just say the name of who you want to talk to in there. Have fun!" She giggled, and as if she remembered something, "No magic, but don't worry about ordinary things like safe sex, thats taken care of until you land on spaces that say 'get a child'." Everyone paled slightly at the thought of that other than Lucius, whom Harry noticed was mostly silent except for hitting Draco.

"Boys, one line, girls, another." They all separated.

"Lucius Malfoy, choose your wife."

Lucius immeadiately pointed to Hermione, who paled quickly, and went off to the stage with him.

"Kiss the goddam bride." Everyone frowned and looked at the woman on stage, and it was a new one, Rita Skeeter, but she didnt look very healthy. She was smoking and her hands were on her hips and she lost so much weight she looked scary. "What? Get on with the fucking making out and shit."

Lucius and Hermione stood there, staring at her like she was mad, and Rita said, "What's with all the goddam staring? Do I look so fucking beautiful that you all can't move?"

They all shuddered.

"Look," she said, thoroughly bored, "If you don't hurry up with the damn fun shit, then _I'm_ gonna be your goddam mate. Do you want that?"

Suddenly Hermione seemed much more obliged to kiss Lucius, and Lucius took his good time about that kiss, knowing full well he wouldn't get another one unless she was stone-cold drunk.

Harry sighed, he'd rather her just have sex with the old guy, but Harry looked at Ron, who looked like he was going to run on stage and rip Lucius' lecherous face off, that wasn't going to happen. What would she see in him? They'd all be stuck in their honeymoons forever.

"Ok, go to your goddam honeymoon, sexy hot asses." She waved her hand drunkenly and they dissappeared, Hermione looking very angry.

"Ok, who's next? Oh, it's a chick? Ok, uh-uh-uh, how about Luna." She stumbled over her words.

"I pick Ronald Weasley. Oh I love that name!" Luna skipped up to the stage, grabbing Ron's arm with her and pulling him, and everybody watching raised their eyebrows.

Luna kissed Ron and they were rushed away, and Rita called on Draco.

"I pick the Weasley." Draco pointed at Ginny, who dropped her mouth, aghast.

"But-You said! Blood traitors and all that other rubbish!" Harry protested loudly.

"Hahaha, jealous I'm gonna fuck your little girlfriend now, Potter? Well, it's what my father gets for choosing to rape that mudblood." He said, grabbing Ginny's hand and whisking her away.

"You can't rape anyone in this game, Draco." Rita said off handedly before they kissed. His eyebrows went up as they kissed, and they were gone.

"Ok, Then, Cho, you were next on the list, you get Harry!" Rita barked, waking Harry up from the trance the craziness left him in.

He took her hand, softly, and walked her up to the stage, where he kissed her. This kiss was actually much better than the original one, which had been wet and horrible. Her lips were soft and tasted slightly of caramel.

As they were letting go of each other, they were whisked away to their ideal paradise.

* * *

Luna kept kissing Ron even after they left the stage, and landed on the soft king size matress in their room. Her kisses were small, but strong, and very sweet. Ron loved it. She started massaging his neck with her hand while she kissed him.

It was when she tried unzipping his jeans that he remembered where he was and he pushed her off of him.

In fact, he pushed her so hard, she landed on the floor with a thud. "Ouch! Fucking a, Ron!"

"Wha-?" Ron looked at her, bewildered, as if he had just reached his mind.

"Oh, right." He lent her a hand and she got up and brushed herself off.

He looked around. They were in a large bedroom with walls of marble and colorful rugs and blankets and pillows. Ron had a feeling they were in India somewhere.

He looked out on the balcony. It was huge, enough for twenty people to put on a show. Large red velvet curtains separated the room and the balcony, but Ron loved the look of the palm trees outside, and the ocean was blue and clear. He loved it. There was stairs down to the beach from the balcony, and another room under the bedrrom, the bath and kitchen/ dining room. Everything was made out of marble and perfect. There was food in a cooler, and Ron saw some Indian foods, and some other Muggle foods, but then he saw wizard foods. He loved it.

"It's perfect." Luna breathed.

"Yeah, I can have sex with anyone in this place." Ron immeadiately reddened, feeling horrible, and sensed that she would leave and go cry in the bathroom like Hermione always did.

She surprised him. "I know what you mean. I mean, I haven't even thought of a Crumple-horned Snorlack in the past, say, half hour- wait. What time is it?" She asked, and Ron realized he didn't know what time it was either.

"I don't know..." He said, and Luna wrapped her arms around him.

"Well, then they must not want us to know." She kissed him.

"Wait! Um, I am really hungry, how about you?" Ron said, shuffling awkwardly out of her grasp.

"Yeah. Hey, can you cook? I need to take a shower." Luna said, red because Ron pushed her away again.

Ron started cooking a spaghetti dinner, because it was the only thing he knew how to make.

When dinner was ready, he went and knocked on the bathroom door. "Yeah?" She asked, the shower off.

"Er, dinner's ready in the den." Ron said, knowing she was naked on the other side of the door.

"Be right there! Er, Ron?" She seemed unsure, so Ron said, "Yes, I'll eat with you."

'Bloody Hell! I wanted to be alone!' he sighed.

He went up to the den and sat down on the comforter.

He turned on the thing labeled telly with another thing labeled a remote, and was watching several ladies dispute over a man when Luna walked in, stark naked.

Ron almost choked on his meatball, deciding to swallow quick in the last moment, and he asked her, eyes covered, "What in Merlin's beard are you doing, Loony?" Ron slipped her name out on accident, not meaning to say it, but he did mean it.

"Oh, that name makes me hot." She said, and Ron could hear her come towards him.

'God no God no God no!' he silently protested.

She climbed on top of him, and kissed him. Ron liked the glimpse he saw, but this was a little too soon for him.

"Stop!" He said, with his eyes shut, (forgiving himself for offending her by doing it with the reasoning that she hadn't yet gotten to see his goody bag.) and pushed her off of him. "Sorry, oh, god, did I just touch your boob?" he blushed, still not looking. Luna kept down, but she breathed in a fast breath, "Like what ya saw there, my weasel?"

"No!" he said, extremely embarrassed.

"I am not ready to do this yet Luna! So stay away from me, until I come to you!" Ron yelled, feeling really pressured.

"What ever you say, babe." She got up and left, leaving Ron to watch the dispute over the man. 'Yes! I didn't miss it!' Ron said excitedly, watching the screen closely.

* * *

Omg, I love this chapter, and just so ya know, I was making fun of Courtney love when i was describing Rita's actions. sorry if you like her, I was actually just remembering the SNL episode with molly something or other. It was halarious. God, this chapter was so funny and it all just came to my head as I wrote. I love writing for you, and thanx again for all the great reviews, sorry those of you who i disappointed, i still left the slash option up though, and there will be break ups and new people are coming(like a whole new group of ppl, jeez, whadja think I was gonna do with little miss lavender?) bye all! 


	4. Honeymoon? Collect 4 TILES

I LOVE MY REVIEWERS! and little miss potterlady, we need to get in touch. Anyway, this chapter will probably be short because i have time constraints, so I am deathly sorry and send all hate mail through reviews. I love hate mail. lol. Ok, on with the show.

sorry, small plug for my other story, Time To Die (corny title, but the story gets better.) Those pairs are not the same as this story, I have an entirely different plot line for this story, but you should read that one anyway. Its rated M though, like this one. Ok, now I'm good.

* * *

Ginny watched Draco take off his pants and climb onto the bed.

"If you think I am doing anything with you, you are dead wrong mate." Ginny glared at Draco and he came closer and closer to her.

He picked up her hand and started kissing it. Ginny pulled her hand away from him quickly, and her knee met with his chin hard.

"BLOODY HELL!!! OH SWEET MERLIN!!! FFING A!!"

Ginny opened her eyes and gasped. Draco was curled in a ball at the end of the bed, holding his nuts.

Ginny's mouth dropped open, realizing she kicked him both in her dream and real life. Not that she could exactly call it real life, as she noted the small square room with no doors, frowning.

"I'm sorry Malfoy, let me get you some ice." Ginny went over to the cabinet and opened it. As if it were waiting for her, an ice pack was sitting all by itself. She frowned again and went over to the whimpering man on the bed.

"Shh-shh-shh." Ginny sat down next to him and rubbed his shoulders. With his back to her, Ginny reached her arms around his stomach and laid the ice on his injury. He shrieked, and Ginny started sucking on his neck gently to calm him down. She waved her hand over the ice, muttering something and continued kissing him.

She took her hands off the ice and shifted herself around Draco who was looking at her in disbelief. When he was about to speak, she leaned over and kissed him softly on the lips.

* * *

She leaned over and kissed him, surprising Draco, but somehow his stinging seemed to stop.

Her lips were soft and she smelled intoxicating. Draco kissed her back, just as softly, and she pushed him down slowly, kissing him.

* * *

ok, this was majorly short, and you can kill me, but next time the chapter will be so fucking good that you really won't give a crap about this one. that chapter might take awhile.

Luv ya!

Narcissa


	5. Honeymoon Continues Forvever?

Hem-hem.

Thou who criticizes another's story should leave a bit of advice in place of thy's insult. Thank thou.

Hem-hem.

My pairings are MY PAIRINGS and I really do not appreciate the hate mail you all sent me, if you want to insult my work, do it in a review, but please be nice, its not like I'm aiming to be the writer of the continued Harry Potter series 50 years from now, I just write for fun and am not getting paid in any way, so please stop sending pm's that are just mean and wrong. I was utterly offended and wanted to cry. Who ever sent that needs to realize this is just for fun and not a real published book, and JKR is so not a horrible person!!!

On that sad note, let me see if I can get your spirits up again? It's a steamy scene, so guess why its rated M? Wait, did that make any sense? Ugh, headache!

Oh, and Christian? LUCIUS+HERMY!!! lol, sorry, but I will make them a cute couple I swear!

* * *

"Wait." 

"Why?"

"Seriously, stop."

"Come on, you know you want to keep going..."

"No, I don't Ginny!" Draco pulled himself up and rubbed his crotch, unsure of why it didn't hurt any more.

Ginny rolled off of him and nearly fell off the bed. She giggled.

"Why are you doing this?" Draco looked at her and she saw doubt in his eyes.

"What do you mean?" Ginny brushed herself off and absent mindedly wondered where her clothes were.

"A while ago, when I picked you, you looked like you would throw up the second I made a move." He looked down, embarrased.

Ginny didn't know what to say.

She looked down and saw a board in the ground that looked like it lifted up. A sliver of light was coming out of it, and she bent over and saw a little metal ring to pull.

"Draco, look at this."

"What?" He got up and looked at it.

"Lets pull it open."

He bent over and helped her, both of them naked with the exception of underwear and Ginny's bra. Neither of them noticed.

They pulled it hard and opened it easily. Ginny looked down and saw stairs. "Lets go." she whispered, impulsively taking the first step.

"Ok, be careful though." Draco warned her, rolling his eyes at her impulsive actions.

'Its because she's got that red hair. And females are impulsive enough. Ugh.'

* * *

"WHY DID YOU PICK ME YOU SICK, LECHEROUS OLD MAN!!! YOU ARE LIKE FIFTY SOMETHING YEARS OLD MARRING ME, AND TWENTY-THREE YEAR OLD WOMAN! YOU EVEN HAVE A SON AND A GODDAM WIFE!!!!" 

Lucius sighed, aggravated and tired. "Can you come out of there Miss Granger? We may have a intelligent conversation, one that we are currently not having seeing as you are locking me out of the bedroom."

He heard the door unlock and relaxed, happy he was no longer forced outside of the house in the rain.

He went to the bed and took off his soaked robes, his shoes and shirt. He almost took off his pants, but he remembered Hermione and didn't think she would be very helpful if he did that.

She was sitting in the corner of the room, on the floor, her eyes boring holes through his head.

"Now, Miss Granger, everything I say to you today will be kept top secret or you will be stuck in this game forever, because I will not let you move forward if you can't keep my information to yourself. Now please promise you won't tell anyone."

Hermione looked straight ahead, "I promise."

Lucius sighed. He looked at her. She was really pretty.

"You said I had a son." Hermione frowned.

"Yes, I did, and you do."

"I don't." Lucius sighed. 'This woman won't understand.'

"Well, who the hell is Draco to you then?" Hermione half expected him to say oh yeah, that son. She snorted to herself.

"I am Draco Malfoy's brother. The original Lucius Malfoy died in Azkaban."

"How come Draco never mentions you? A man as arrogant as him surely would!" Hermione blushed, she _was_ poking fun at the man's son. Or brother. Or whatever!

"Draco does not know that I am not his father. Draco believes I died for the Dark Lord when I was sixteen." Lucius felt his heart drop at the memory of his miserable brother mourning over his loss. They never had the same relationship again.

Hermione saw his shoulders drop and she decided it was safe enough to walk over to him in his emotional state.

"Well then, tell me this." She sat down on the bed.

"Why do I look like my father?" Lucius looked at her sadly.

She thought she would start crying if they kept eye contact any longer, so she turned around roughly. The only problem was her foot was tied up by Lucius' shirt. She cursed, and fell, her face hitting the floor roughly.

"Damnit! That hurt!" Hermione rubbed her head. Lucius put his arm out to help her up, and she noticed his arms had blade cuts all over them.

They were long and thin. When Lucius caught her staring, he pulled his arms back to him and folded them.

"You psycho emo!!!" Hermione jumped up, shreiking. If there were one thing that she couldn't stand, it was someone who cut themselves.

"Ms. Granger, no!" Lucius pleaded with her, but she stomped out of the room and locked herself in the next room, screaming, "Stay the hell away from me and I will you!"

* * *

"Lets compare notes."A man's voice said, and a rustling of paper's could be heard.

"Loony rushed the relationship, and Ickle Ronniekins couldn't take the heat. No sex."Another man's voice snorted.

"And Ginny attacked Malfoy, then snogged him to death. He was so confused he told her to stop." The first man sounded amused, as if he knew this might happen.

"No sex." They both chanted.

"Lucius was locked outside in the rain because of Miss Know-it-all, and ended up confessing to her a big secret. She locked him out of another room."

"No sex."

* * *

"Let's discuss this rationally." Harry was on one couch, and Cho was on the other, only a coffee table separating them.

"Yes, I'm sure thats the best way to do this." Cho was figeting with her fingers, rubbing them together.

"It's what everyone else is doing, right?" Harry didn't doubt for a second that Hermione and Lucius were sitting down having a intelligent conversation, as were the other two. He started breathing through his mouth, not liking the odd scent in the room of bleach.

"We have to have intercourse to-"

"Harry, it's okay, you can call it sex."

"I know, but-"

"But what?"

"But I said intercourse so it's intercouse!"

"So it's your way or the highway?"

"No, calm down Cho!" Harry nearly yelled, and then they both blushed.

"Wow, over a word."

"Yeah..."

"Ok, yes, we have to have sex, right? Well, we have a week or more."

Harry couldn't imagine the others sleeping in the same bed together, let alone having sex together. Harry's face burned red when he remembered Ginny was with Draco.

"I don't think we have a chance of moving on."

"Harry, I don't think we can be stuck in this game forever. Whoever made it couldn't have made it impossible to move on in. It is the game of LIFE and life moves on."

"But the others..."

"Maybe the game attracts you to your partner more and more."

Harry looked at Cho. Was she pretty? Well, yeah, sure, she was beautiful, her long black hair and small, heart shaped face and small waist and long fingernails and skinny features... Whoa! Harry thought, stopping himself. HE WAS IN LOVE WITH GINNY!!!

"Cho, maybe you're right."

He saw Cho frowning at him. "What?" he asked, annoyed, and also embarrased for his thoughts.

"Why did you just smack yourself on the head? You've got a mark."

"I did?" Harry looked up. This time he smacked himself on the head on purpose. 'No one can see their own forehead!' He shook his head, forehead stinging. He felt his head pounding, the scent of bleach going to his head.

Cho frowned at him again. He really wanted to kiss her. Her furrowed brow was so cute.

"Er, I didn't notice..hehe."

"What?" He asked her, because she was frowning but avoiding his body, staring at the wall behind him.

"Erm, your zipper is down Harry..." She folded her hands and started humming.

Harry looked down and saw his erection, blushed and wondered how in the world he didn't notice it. He tried shuffling between the table and the couch, but there was almost no room. He got out, but tripped on a corner of the coffee table.

"Er, I'll just get going now..." Harry was blushing madly, and hip hopping out of the room, because he had a certain urge to pee...

* * *

Sorry guys but I really wasn't in the funny mood today. Maybe I should've updated something else, but sorry guys.

Luv ya all, so stay reading,

Madam Malfoy


	6. Maybe not Collect 6 TILES

Hello, I am in such a better mood right now.

I am sorry that I confused several people who were looking for a hhr fic, so now I changed it to Harry+Cho, so I hope that clears up the confusion. Thank you and have a nice day.

* * *

"Wow, Draco look." Ginny pointed at the ratty house that at the same time looked priceless.

Draco loved it. It was much homier than anything he'd ever lived in.

"I hate it." He folded his arms and sat back, waiting for Ginny's reaction.

She smiled and wrapped her arms around him. "If you hate it so much, then why is it our dream house? They said they'd give us all our own personal paradise."

He blushed, a characteristic not at all his style, and murmured, "Well, they had to settle on yours. Mine was too...erotic for their standards."

She grinned wickedly at him and he blushed again. "Lets go back in our room." She started pulling him toward their bedroom and kissing him slowly.

"What the hell..." He followed her, not really caring where they were.

* * *

"Ms. Granger, I would like to inform you that I am not an 'emo' as you lightly labeled me."

Silence.

"These cuts are peeling off the disguise my father made me wear."

Silence.

"Though I will still look like him."

Silence.

"But much younger."

Silence.

"Ms. Granger, I am not lecherous and I would never take advantage of you or any other woman!"

Silence.

"You know... I will wait until you are ready to make love to me!"

Silence.

"I didn't mean that! I am positive that you are not a virgin!"

Silence.

"Not that you are a slut! No, no, that is not what I was saying!"

Silence.

"Ms. Granger, I am terribly hungry and I'm afraid there is no food in the bedroom."

Silence.

"Are you trying to starve me to death?"

Silence.

"Ms. Granger, open the door this intance!" Lucius slammed his foot on the door and nearly shit himself when it went through the door. Looking down, he saw it only went through the doggie door.

"Thank the merciful Heavens. I thought I gained superpowers." Lucius gave a nervous laugh and stuck his head through the little door. His head went in easily, and he looked around.

Sleeping soundly on a couch in front of a fire, surrounded by books, was Hermione Granger. Lucius groaned and pulled his head back.

It wouldn't budge. He pulled again, this time pulling his head a different way.

It didn't budge.

He tried again and again. His head just would not come out of the hole.

"Miss Granger! Please wake up! Please! Hello! HELLOOOO!!!"

* * *

Harry came out of the bathroom and ran into Cho.

"Well Harry, I have come to a conclusion."

Harry frowned. _Without me? How thoughtful._

"We will try it every night. But we shouldn't have any problems." Cho grinned, and so did Harry.

"Ok. But we have a whole week to ourselves and have to wait till the night?"

"It's night right now." Cho purred, getting closer to Harry. She unbuttoned her shirt. Harry walked over to her and started kissing her lightly.

Cho groaned, obviously displeased.

"What is it?" Harry asked, embarrased. He backed up a little.

"Listen Harry." She put her hand on his cheek.

"I'm into you, but you need lessons on kissing." She reached up to him and purred, "And maybe other things..."

Harry blushed, his ego bruised, but he decided to go along with her.

"Now, I like hard kisses, so I naturally kiss hard. Copy me." She put her lips to his and soon their mouths and bodies were grinding hard together.

She broke their kiss, and Harry was breathing hard. "You copy well."

She put her lips to his again and this time he forced his tongue inside. She opened up for him and somehow they were back on the couch, only they were both on the same one. He pulled off her shirt and she undid her bra willingly. He pulled it off, and gasped when he saw her breasts. She giggled.

"What is it with you guys? They're just boobs!"

Harry ignored her comment and she rolled him over, now on top of him. They were on the coffee table. He kissed her neck and moved down slowly, kissing the soft skin between each neck bone, making her gasp. He kissed her stomach, each defined muscle and sucked her nipples softly.

She ripped off his shirt and shoved him off of her. He landed in the couch next to the table and she landed on top of him. Her sweat pants were off, and she was excited.

She started unzipping his jeans and pulled them off fast. Her underwear was off and somehow so was his. He put his hands in her hair and pulled her down to him and she started rubbing her wetness against him.

"Harry?" Cho moaned his name, biting his ear softly.

"Yeah?" Her bottom half was rubbing against him hard.

"Are you a virgin?"

"Yes."

"Oh, Harry!" She took his length and thrust it up her, and flexed her walls tight against him.

Harry moaned, feeling happy and fulfilled.

* * *

"And good ol' Hair Miester got 'is girl first." The two voices laughed wickedly.

* * *

Ok, was this chapter any better? I really want to bring Lavender in but its just not time yet.

Madam Narcissa Malfoy


	7. Peeping Tom! Collect 7 TILES

Okay,

Potterlady did you know that I give all my readers that leave me a way to contact them info on the upcoming stuff? like guess lists? because you are missing out honey. I really want to give you more inside info but since you arent leaving a contact I can't. Obviously I won't tell you anything directly(well, I did for some people in the beginning, on what the pairs were.) But I will give you clues as to who the two narrators are. And yes, I said narrators. This story is getting funnier right now.

* * *

_**"Harry awoke next to his lover,"**_ said a voice. 

Harry opened his eyes and saw Cho's naked body in the sunlight.

"And he goggled at her basoomas with a feeling of want." the voice finished.

Harry sat up straight and looked around.

"Who said that?" He asked, but he didn't think anybody had actually said anything. He must've heard it from his own head.

"I do not have a feeling of want." Harry said loudly, just in case.

"A feeling of want for what?" Cho's sleepy head popped up, thinking he was talking to her.

"You." Immediately Harry blushed, and Cho play slapped him.

"Sorry, I thought someone had said that to me. It must've been a dream." Harry apologized, shaking his head.

_**"Harry could feel the large basoomas pressing against his back, the tits soft in the morning heat."**_ The voice teased Harry.

Harry blushed and felt them on his back all of a sudden, as he had not noticed before. He felt himself get hard, and he blushed more. "Shut the hell up." Harry said, sure that Cho had heard the voice this time.

But when he looked at her she was frowning at him like he was mad.

"Who _are_ you talking to?"

"I'm sorry Cho, I have to go to the bathroom..." Harry hurried off to the bathroom.

_**"Harry skips off to the bathroom to masturbate, thinking his lover will not know what he is doing even though his dick is almost a meter from his testicles."**_

Harry stopped in his tracks and yelled back to Cho, "I'm not masturbating, just so you know. I really have to go to the bathroom!"

"Well, then go." She shooed him with her hand, frowning at him, and wondering if he was this mad every morning, or if it had been the sex that drove him over the edge.

* * *

**_"Cho enters the kitchen after itching her crotch and stretching. She takes a bottle of gin out of the cupboard to drown her sorrows in."_**

"I didn't do any of those things!" Cho cried to no one in particular.

As she looked at her hand she saw that it was holding gin, though she could have sworn two seconds ago it was pancake mix. She itched her head and put it back in the cupbaord and rummaged for something breakfast-worthy.

**_"Harry enters the room and stares at Cho's fat arse, wondering if she used mind tricks to make it look smaller last night."_**

Cho turned around and saw a dressed Harry staring at her. "How did you know!!??" she squeaked.

"How did I know what?" Harry asked, sitting down at the dining table.

"You know..." She faltered, her voice from high to low octaves in less than a second.

"About my arse." She whispered, embarrassed.

Harry frowned and looked at her. Then he curved his neck pretending to see around her body.

"Looks fine to me." He said, and Cho breathed out, color returning to her face.

**_"She thinks Harry doesn't know about this little confidence issue of hers. But she's wrong."_**the voice teased her.

"Bloody hell, stay away from me!" Cho screamed, making Harry jump.

"What did I do?" He asked, staring into her brown eyes.

"Nothing..."

* * *

_Don't have sex with her, don't have sex with her, don't have sex with her!!!_

_**"You know you want to. Her body was HOT and you know it."**_

_"I do not!!!"_Ron yelled, enough for Luna to come downstairs in her slip and ask him what in Goddess' name he was screaming like a chimp for.

**_"BECAUSE I WANT YOU!"_** the voice yelled, making Ron jump, and then blush because Luna heard it.

"Well?" Luna looked at him, annoyed.

"I-er- I thought I saw something move." Ron stuttered, awe growing inside of him. Could anybody be _that _deaf?

_Maybe I'm hearing things. No, _argued Ron rationally, _I'm not mad. Am I?_

**_"You're mad."_ **The voice determined.

"You're not mad, Ron, I thought I saw something earlier too." Luna confided.

_Oh great, this coming from the Loony. _Ron rolled his eyes.

"What was it?"

"Oh. It turns out it was just a leaf. But it could be a nargle. Nargles have the ability to change into any disguise that suits them, you know." Luna raised an eyebrow at him sternly as if he should be more careful in the future. Ron couldn't tell her what was really going on, so he played along.

"Are nargles dangerous?" Ron asked, mock biting his lip in fear.

**_"As DANGEROUS as your body looks?" _**

Ron shuddered at the voice again, forcing down the urge he had to hit anything that moved right now.

Luna didn't see through his charade, and answered in a whisper while leaning towards him, "Yes."

"Oh dear. Well, I shall be careful then." Ron turned around and went to the couch, sat down and started shoving spaghetti in his face so Luna could see he couldn't talk and would leave, but Luna took a different idea from his gluttony.

"Good idea, eat now, they only prey on the starving."

Ron nearly choked on the golf ball sized gulp he took and reached for his water.

"GET DOWN!!" shouted Luna, and the next thing Ron knew, Luna was lunging forward on top of him in her dainty pink slip.

**_"You like the feeling of this frightened female on top of you, holding onto you for mercy from fear."_**

"SHUT THE HELL UP!!" Ron shouted, and looked down onto his chest to see Luna frowning on top of him.

"Shh." She put her finger to his lips.

"Shatoogleys destroy water. You could've gotten killed. They rip things to pieces. Sharp claws. You need sharp claws to do destroy water."

Ron was considering asking Luna what the bloody hell a Shatoogley was, but he stopped when he realized she probably never met one.

She kissed him. "You know one thing they don't mind?"

"What's that?" Ron murmured, enticed by her behavior. She was stroking him and moving her lips around his neck and he got a full view of her cleavage.

"Making love."

**_"Yeah, you like that, don't you Ron?"_**

* * *

thank you for reading. buh bye. 


	8. True Love is Corny Unless you feel it!

Narcissa is back in action!

I would like to inform you that I recently got a miuchiz for xmas, and my name is Phoenixash if you see me on the chat then say hi, and call me by my fanfic name so i know you really know me.

* * *

"What are we doing here?"

Everyone was confused, which told Harry that they had not all completed the task. They were in a small room with a muggle light bulb illuminating the areaaround them. He saw there was no door

To the left of him, Harry saw Ron whispering to Luna with a stern look on his face. She looked upset, and she was pulling at the ends of her pale nightdress, blushing and looking around, embarrassed.

Hermione was determined to ignore Lucius, while Lucius was determined to glare at her until she apolygized for locking him in the room. He rubbed his neck, making his injury obvious. Instead of looking at Lucius, Hermione decided to look at Draco and Ginny, the only ones who didn't really care where they were. She stood staring at the kissing couple until she realized she was spying and switched her gaze to Harry, who was glaring at the kissing couple.

Hermione felt rather bad for Harry, who knew that Ginny had forgotten all about him. He was shaking a little, Hermione noticed, while Cho was ram rod straight on his arm. She too, was staring at the kissing couple, only she had a different form of jealousy in her stance.

Finally, Ron and Luna were in the corner of the room arguing. Hermione walked a bit closer to them, so she could hear what Ron was saying.

"No." Ron clamped his jaw, as if he wanted to say more. Hermione frowned.

"But-Couldn't you even give us a try?" Luna protested, and Hermione's brow furrowed more, because she couldn't hear as well now that Harry and Draco and Cho and Ginny were bickering.

"No. I'm sorry, but there is someone that I love, and I cannot jepordize my chances with them by being with you. I'm sorry."

"You're gay?" Luna whispered hopefully, and Hermione grinned, waiting for Ron's immature denial.

"No, Luna, I'm not gay." Hermione raised her eyebrows, since she had been expecting a loud insult after Luna's assumption.

"It's her." Luna said, and Hermione thought she might have pointed to someone, but she had her back to Luna and couldn't see.

"Yes, it is Hermione." Ron said calmly. Hermione choked on her next breath. She swallowed hard and turned around, looking Ron in the eyes. He broke their contact and continued talking to Luna.

Hermione didn't care about what ever else he would say, her heart was doing backflips. She nearly skipped over to the other side of the room, but she remembered where she was and composed herself.

"Please turn your view over to me everyone." Everyone in the room turned their heads and looked at Remus Lupin in the fourth corner of the room.

"We have an issue that needs to be dealt with immeadiately. You should not see me again for the remainder of your time here, consider me bad luck."

"There are more players entering the game, and our pairs need to be adjusted. We look for the best possible spouse for each of you, and thus we must change slightly when the new characters come in."

Everyone looked at each other, wondering what would become of their partner.

"Now, if you have already bonded, then you will not change your partner, the game has been set for you."

Immeadiately, Harry and Cho disappeared. After them, Ginny and Draco were gone as well.

The four left in the room raised their eyebrows in disdain for the already bonded.

"Ew." Ron put simply.

Suddenly, a door appeared on one of the walls. It opened, and Pansy Parkinson stepped into the room, confused.

"What the fuck is going on?" She asked.

Hermione rolled her eyes at Pansy's apparell. She was wearing a skimpy leather skirt and halter top, with platforms. She saw a patch on Pansy's leg that resembled a muggle birth control patch, and she frowned.

Next came Ernie Macmillan, the Hufflepuff they all knew. He appeared to know what was going on.

Third was Lavender, who was wearing a nice dress as opposed to her usual slutty clothes.

Fourth came a woman who none of them seemed to know. She didn't recognize any of them either, and stood there, shy, next to Lavender. She was short with raven hair to her lower back, yet she had long legs and a very porportionate body. She looked to be a Spaniard. She was wearing a tight red dress that hit the floor, with slits which exposed tan skin. The skirt of the dress had ruffles that seemed to spread everywhere. Hermione loved her dress, and felt almost jealous because of how beautiful the woman looked in it.

Though most of the people in the room with the exception of Lucius were twenty-three, Hermione thought the woman was twenty-nine or thirty.

Next Neville walked out, a handsome lean man with muscles, who startled those who hadn't seen him since Hogwarts. Hermione smiled when she saw Luna gaping at him, bewildered and smitten.

Then Gregory Goyle came out, looking pretty much the same.

Marietta Egdecomb appeared in the room, making the members of the DA grit their teeth.

Finally the one who took the cake was Myrtle. Hermione gasped when she undoubtedly saw Moaing Myrtle walk through the door in human form.

"Who's that?" Ron asked, seeing Hermione's reaction and he tried to identify the gorgeous woman in the tank and jeans before them.

"It's Myrtle, Ron!" Hermione's jaw was hanging loose, and Luna reached up and slammed it shut.

"That's soo rude!" She hissed, and ran to Myrtle and hugged her.

"You don't mean _Moaning Myrtle,_ do you?" Ron hesitated, not quite believing Hermione.

"Yes, Ron." Now Hermione was wondering why in the world Luna had hugged the old ghost.

"Ok, now each of these people will identify themselves to you." Lupin said, bored.

Myrtle began. "I am Moanie Myrtle, and I was a ghost in real life... Now I am human!" She shrugged her shoulders as if it happened every day, but Hermione was surprised she hadn't started her moping yet.

"I am Marietta Egdecomb, and I am a Ministry official." She folded her arms in front of herself consiously. Everyone in the DA was sending her death glares.

"I'm Greg-uh-Goyle. I-uh-am the official Ministry janitor." He looked down, ashamed.

"I'm Neville Longbottom, and I am a level ten Auror." His chest swelled.

"I'm Berendalise Tochenta, and I do not speak the best Ingles, becas I am frrom Barcelona. I am a majorr Aurrorr as that Neviille is as well. Gracias." She curtsied, and everyone breathed, loving her dialect.

"Hello, I am Lavender Brown," She paused as Ron snorted, and she glared, "Yes, I know that is two colors, but anyways, I work in a store that sells potions and creates spells."

"She means she sells love potion." snickered Ron.

"Well, I am Ernie Macmillan, and I produce dragons and other magical creatures, so they don't go extinct."

"I'm Pansy goddam Parkinson, and I own a buisness."

Hermione turned a shade of green when she realized exactly what kind of buisness Pansy owned.

"Ok, now you will be paired. Ok, I will read them off for you."

Everyone groaned, upset that their sexual partner was chosen by paper.

"Ernie and Lavender." They disappeared.

"Goyle and Myrtle." They disappeared.

"Neville and Luna." They left.

"Lucius and Brendalise." They left.

"Ronald and Hermione." As they disappeared, Hermione saw the surprised face of Pansy when she saw who her inevitable partner was. Hermione hugged Ron tightly, holding him, and relishing in his scent.

'I'm glad Ron likes me as well.' Hermione looked him in the eyes.

'I don't like you Hermione.'

She stared at his face intently, all she knew, hanging on a string, depending on Ron.

'I love you.'

'I love you too, Ron.'

Hermione felt tears forming in her eyes.

Ron felt a burning sensation in his chest and he clutched Hermione close to his body.

Hermione didn't notice the stream of tears pouring down her face as she put her ear on Ron's left breast and listened to his pounding heart.

"You know," Ron whispered gently, respecting her tears, "We should have done this a long time ago."

"I know." Hermione sniffed, biting her lip. She felt something drip off her chin and her hand flew to it. She felt the remains of a tear and began to sob even more.

She hadn't cried since Hogwarts. She was too strong to cry. But the one thing that could break her down was her love for Ronald Weasley. She smiled softly, happy to let go of seven years worth of tears.

Ron stood there holding her, letting her release herself upon him, feeling her relish the release, and while the spot her head leaned against his chest should have been soaked with tears, it was hot and burning with a sensation he could not describe.

All Ron knew was that he didn't want to move, and at that moment, Hermione felt the same.

They stood in their personal paradise for hours like that, never wanting to let go of their love.

* * *

That was damn good, wasnt it? 


End file.
